


Bend and Not Break

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Romance, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-17
Updated: 2006-06-17
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian plans on pushing, but Justin won't let that happen. (the morning glimmer)





	Bend and Not Break

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: song: Bend and not break, by Dashboard Confessional  


* * *

_I catalog these steps now_

_Decisive and intentioned_

_Precise and patterned specifically to yours_

_I'm talented at breathing_

_Especially exhaling_

_So that my chest will rise and fall with yours_  

 

Justin.  

He lies next to me, looking so peaceful sleeping. It took him such a long time to be able to sleep soundly again, the way he used to, before. Before the night that - .  

His blond hair is illuminated by the lights behind our bed. The colour is so rich and beautiful and it makes my breath catch. I wish I could keep him forever. 

 

_I'm careful not to wake you_

_Fearing conversation_

_It's better just to hold you_

_And keep you pacified_

_I'm talented with reason_

_I cover all the angles_

_I can fail before I ever try_  

 

I pull him into me, for the last time. The steps I’m planning to take will ruin all of this..

All of this...happiness, because I admit, I am happy. He makes me so happy. But I have to do this. For his own good, because he just – ... deserves better than the fool I am. 

 

_Try to understand, there's an old mistake that fools will make_

_And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away, so_

_Won't you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)_

_Won't you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)_  

 

I kiss the top of his head as he ‘hmm’s his way to consciousness. Don’t wake up, Justin. Let it be like this forever. Don’t say anything. Please just close your eyes again and forget about it all. 

But the blue eyes flutter open and o how I drown in them every single time they lock with mine. How everything he feels can be read in them. I smile faintly and see the brightness turn to worry... 

 

_I am fairly agile_

_I can bend and not break_

_Or I can break and take it with a smile_

_And I am so resilient_

_I recover quickly_

_I'll convince you soon that I am fine_  

 

So I put on my mask again, and even though I know he won’t buy it, I try. I try to make him forget about the sorrow in my hazel orbs, try to make him forget about the pain I’m feeling. 

If only he were as easy to convince as the family. But he never was. He always saw right through. Justin, please, not today. Be blind for me today.   

 

_Won't you hold me now (I will not bend, I will not break)_

_Won't you hold me now (for you I rise, for you I fall)_  

 

He swings his arm around me and snuggles closer, his breath lightly carressing my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut and inhale deeply, swallowing the crop of emotions and words down my throat, before they dare to come out.  

But all the swallowing and squeezing doesn’t help any when he starts whispering little words of love to me. 

He looks up and kisses the tear off my cheek. 

 “Don’t push me away, Brian. I’m not going anywhere.” 

And then he just – turns back to whispering and I pull him into me.  

 Shit. I’ll never be able to let him go. 

 

_Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you_

_Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you, to you_


End file.
